How To Get Through Infertility Without Losing Yourself

It is so humbling- the process of trying to bring a life into this world. With all the advancements in medicine and the latest technology, we still return to the same conclusion, that we know so little and lack control.

I will never know why one treatment works for one couple and why another treatment may not. When it comes to conception, a healthy pregnancy, and birth, there are simply no formulas, and no givens. And so when a woman comes to me and asks me for guidance, direction- we try to educate and give over information. We offer advice and yes, we do look for answers, but in the end, I always tell women on their journey from conception to birth that really we have no control. What will work for one, won’t for another and ultimately, I don’t know why except for the simple answer that especially in this matter, we lack control.

 So how should a couple approach fertility? When to go to a doctor and seek medical advice and when to run from it! What modalities work and which ones should they stay far away from?

When a couple is facing the challenge of infertility, miscarriage, a high-risk pregnancy, the answers on google are way too contradictory and confusing. What should one do?

My first suggestion, the hardest, but still doable.

Relinquish control and take a step back in the quest to find all the answers. There are just some things that will never be revealed and some questions that don’t have answers. There is no magic diet or method, no magic procedure. It’s a bit of trial and error, there is no “right or wrong” and ultimately one must trust their instincts. If something is just taking too much out of you, ruining your relationship, your health, your financial situation, then you are probably not going in the right direction. How can the body be fertile when consuming so much energy fighting stress?

Take a step back and see how to make things work more smoothly or leave them alone.

And most importantly, when a woman comes to me for a consultation or visit at my clinic, I tell her that our goal is for her to feel healthy and strong. She, herself, counts and is a person. She has to feel good about herself and take care of herself, because if not, how is it worth it?

We look at her as a whole person, not just a baby-making factory. If she and her partner are eating balanced, taking care of themselves emotionally, physically, mentally, then at least they know that what they are doing is something positive and in the right direction. Again, no one can make anyone promises as to what efforts will produce the desired results and which ones won't. Do trust your intuition and know that you deserve to take care of yourself, for yourself, not just for the fertility journey.